Sad day of Saturday...

Today i promise that i will study hard because tomorrow i going to sit for my mass balance test. Actually i have choir practice at church yet im not going.. Due to my yesterday Thermodynamics test, lacking of nice relaxable sleep causes me to have headache and tired today. I making an excuses from Leo that im not going today.
I wake up at 8 something today and start open my book and read all the example. While reading i watching movie, ZOOOM SUPERHERO ACADEMIC. hurm... wasting time for sure as i watch more than i read. Haiz...Feel very guilty because i like not fulfilling what i had promise to u...
In the afternoon, something bad happen. Haiz... better than i dont want to go check at first.aAter checking my mark for TITAS, i lost my control. I really sad but i dont know what can i do.. its too late for me to change anything. I just read past year but all done by last minute. Want to feel sad for myself but i didnt put effort in it.. So i cant blame anyone jus tcan blame myself.
But everything is too late now. This thing may causes me to drop out of my dream class and dean list. I wishes to get all 8 dean list in this university. Hurm.. if after this nothing much different happen due to what i expect, i still manage to maintain my marks, my pointer 3.71
or even able to up 0.01...
Because of all this thing happen, i almost quarrel with DD and today we like having cold war for a moment. At night then everything recover back to normal. I really bad mood until all those stuff will happen in my life. I like no one to voice out my feeling just like a dumb. Haiz.. who can understand how i feel. i really need someone to really care for me at that moment yet i switch off my phone and let no one able to reach me. All is because of what i have done, and not other dont care for me.
I feel so helpless and no guidance at all. I want to quit yet i cant and not motivated. This is the only way i have to continue my journey. Hurm. I have to tell myself that the journey just started. I still manage to choose how i walk this journey. This sem i might fall a little, but i promise the rest of my journey i will walked a colorful graduation.....2012 waiting for me.